Parker's Top 10 Movies of 2012
Oh, and the director is apparently gonna be doing the new Fantastic Four movie next, which has me pretty stoked.
About halfway through the movie, I realized I need to go to therapy because I was falling in love with the Lola character.
I realize, though, I'm probably biased towards this, as I'll champion any movie where a space worm tells an anecdote about a friend of his having "worminal cancer."
Anyway, despite going in skeptical, I was quickly won over (probably sometime around Christoph Waltz's third line of dialogue or so). By the one-hour mark, I was declaring this Tarantino's best work (as a director) and the best film of 2012, but by the two-hour mark, I was yawning and checking my watch and hoping to be released from my misery. The ending of this film is completely ruined by Q.T.'s ego and lack of solid bros around him to go "Hey, buddy. I know you made 'Pulp Fiction' and everything, but this fucking ending sucks and you have no business playing an Australian slaver. How many fucking Australian slavers were there in Texas, anyway?!" This is why Tarantino's best work is stuff other people directed, because you remove the cataclysmic ego of a man who thinks you can just pause an emotional climax of a film so that he can get his dumb face in the picture. I said this on the show, but imagine watching "Fellowship of the Ring," and the fellowship is waylaid by the Uruk-hai, Boromir dies protecting Merry and Pip and then Frodo and Sam escape and eat lembas bread with Peter Jackson for about a half an hour then return to the battle, see the Uruk-hai steal Merry and Pip AND THEN they decide to go to Mordor by themselves. Sounds fucking stupid right? It sure does.
Anyway, this is #7 on my list, because I'll be able to fast forward all that bullshit on the Blu-ray, probably.
This movie is horrific for a few reasons. First, it highlights the absolute darkest aspect of humanity: that people will do whatever the fuck someone with authority tells them to do. This is how humans wound up getting slapped with the Holocaust, thinking "Lost" was a good show, voting on "the lesser of two evils" and the Killing Fields. There are tons of ignorant narcissists on youtube and Getglue that comment on this movie with shit like "Look @ these dummiez! Who wood do dat shiz?!" And, sure, it's easy to think that, but compliance is burned deep in our stupid human DNA. Back when we were still monkey people trying to avoid velociraptors, following the orders of the alpha male monkey man probably helped us survive as a species. Otherwise, there'd be fights and tribes and families would break apart, making them easy pickens for a sabertooth tiger or whatever. So, much like a tailbone, blindly following the leader persists in our silly species today.
Another reason this movie is so horrific is that it is not a dramatic re enactment of the original crime. I'm used to movies being "based on a true story," only to be let down by finding out later the only similarities are that the movie and the "true story" both involved humans and virtually everything else was different. But, I was fucking shocked to discover that everything in the movie happened as it did in real life. AND THAT IT HAPPENED 80 OTHER TIMES (to varying degrees, of course.) Perhaps most shocking and wretched is that when they caught the guy who was doing all this, he got acquitted and lives a happy life with his five children, consequence-free. The victims successfully sued McDonald's, though! Good work, American justice system, you're about as effective as Hugh Hefner's wobbly old dick.
The movie is on Netflix Instant now, so go watch it. If you don't go around singing "Jeans! Everybody's wearing their jeans! I got mine on!" instantly, then you have no soul and you should only be allowed to watch "Compliance" for the rest of your life.
Oh, the movie was made by a Canadian sketch troupe (is there any other kind) called Picnicface. You can watch a bunch of their clips here. And they used to have a show in Canada, but it got canceled, probably to get back at me for all all the times I made fun of how clean Toronto is. But, come on! Cities aren't supposed to be that clean! It's creepy.
Anyway- this is a movie about a hoax. Sort of. And it's a movie about time travel. Possibly. But, mostly it's a movie about characters and regret and connections between people and risk and love and the inevitability of getting older and thinking how your life could be different. It's funny and sad and hopeful and entertaining and thought-provoking and beautiful and clever and I love it.
The movie has some faults, though. The Lizard looks like a goomba from the Mario Bros movie, and he's boring as crap. But, this movie isn't about him. It's about Peter and Gwen and the great acting and chemistry from those two. Oh, and it's about Denis Leary, cuz he's awesome in this.
Anyway, this is easily the most ambitious super hero movie of all time and perhaps the most ambitious blockbuster movie of all time (aside from Water World or something). Joss Whedon had the task of combining 4 movie franchises into one flick and he pulled it off swimmingly. Joss is best when he's handling ensemble casts and dealing with multiple character arcs and stories. Granted, about 80% of this movie is fighting and stuff, but Joss make a character say more with one line than most writers can in an entire movie.
Besides all that - if watching Hulk smash doesn't get you fucking hype then you can just get out of my face.
To quote Mark: "Cabin in the Woods is totally a game changer and it has the realest cg bird I've ever seen in my life!"