Friday, September 28, 2012

JFD128: Fantastic Four (1994), The Punisher (1989), Steel


Faster than a speeding...uh, thing! More powerful than Mitchum brand deodorant! Able to watch the absolute dregs of cinema! Junk Food Dinner returns with our Sad-Sack-Superheros episode and, boy, is it something. 

 Up first - Reed, Sue and the whole gang are just doing their normal astronaut routine when suddenly they're blasted by cosmic radiation! Now armed with powers beyond their wildest dreams they have to team up and defend the Earth from the villainous Dr. Doom as - THE FANTASTIC FOUR! Wait, no, they have to stop a moleman from robbing banks, I guess. Wait, no, they have to take a laser into space or something. Look it doesn't matter. This hot mess from 1994 should have stayed NIB on the shelves for all eternity - it was never intended to be released and was only made to secure copyright! NUFF SAID! 

 Next - Frank Castle is a man with a one track mind - vengeance! A former cop who saw his families lived taken by gangland cronies, Castle (Dolph Lundgren) shed the shield and became the specter known as THE PUNISHER and left a trail of bodies in his wake (there are something like 91 on-screen kills in this) while striking fear in the hearts of goons everywhere. Certainly the best of the bunch and in a week like this, that's saying something. 

Finally - we retain our crown as the worlds greatest cult film and basketball podcast as we examine STEEL from 1997 starring Shaq! The big man himself plays a former weapons expert or something who, after an accident cripples his non-sexual life partner, quits the army (somehow) and goes home to live with his grandma. But when the weapons he helped design end up in the wrong hands (those hands belong to Judd Nelson, by the way) and end up on the streets. He assembles his team (including Richard Roundtree!) and takes the streets back. Armed with a modded sledgehammer and covered head to toe in armor - something something something A REAL SLAM DUNK! (Sorry I'm tired of talking about this movie.)


Direct Download Here.

All this plus witty banter between friends, another truly epic stinger, glitchy Skype noise, soundboard antics, Junk Mail, the wonder of hype-men, DVD & Blu-ray releases, Nerd News and so much more!

Got a movie suggestion for the show, want to give your opinion on a movie we talked about or just want to tell us we suck? Drop us a line at JFDPodcast@gmail.com. Or leave us a voicemail: 347-746-JUNK (5865).

Also, if you like the show, please take a minute and subscribe and/or comment on us on iTunes, Stitcher, Blubrry or Podfeed.net. We gain a genuine sense of human emotions from your love and support.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Turns out vampires CAN get worse than Twilight and True Blood

Just stumbled on a trailer for a movie starring Alicia Silverstone. This is remarkable for two reasons. First, I didn't think I'd ever write that first sentence in a post-Y2K world. Secondly, we've all been belly-aching about how stuff like "Twilight" and "True Blood" have ruined vampires by turning them into either sparkly, vegetarian day walkers or "soap opera sexy" cajuns who live by more strict, ancient rules than the Taliban. But, it turns out vampires, both as a creative device and as a pop culture entity, can get way, way worse than either of those two aforementioned abominations.

Don't believe me? Here ya go:

This seems like one of those insanely shitty, unfunny Saturday Night Live movies, except it doesn't have the benefit of at least being based on a once-funny 3 minute sketch.

How fucking tired are these jokes? And haven't most of them already been given to us in movies like "Vampires Suck" and "Taintlight" in the last couple of months? At least actual funny person Ken Jeong was in one of those (unwatchable) movies, rather than Alicia Silverstone.

"Who's best to star in our new comedy about immortal vampires?"

"How about some girl who was in about 1.5 good movies in 1995 and nothing else?"

"She sounds perfect because we all remember her as a charming and adorable 21 year old, so suddenly seeing her as a old, gross, uncharismatic almost-40 wretch will really hammer home that 'ageless and immortal' vampire thing."

Anyway. In summation, Krysten Ritter is a next-level fox so I'm for sure gonna see this.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

JFD127: Happy Life, Assault on Precinct 13, The Toxic Avenger

One thing's for sure: this episode isn't sissy stuff! Firstly, we talk about the fate of Kevin's band, Parker's ovaries and Mark's raver lifestyle.

Then, an aging and increasingly uncool raver throws a party to save his Manhattan record store in 2011's "Happy Life." Directed and written by Michael M. Bilandic and produced by Abel Ferrara, this is a slice of life "slacker" flick in the vein of Linklater's earlier work.

Next, a gang violently descends upon an understaffed police station in John Carpenter's "Assault on Precinct 13" from 1976. In this modern-day western, it's up to two men to hold off hordes of gang members.

Finally, a 90-pound weakling is thrown into some radioactive waste and becomes "The Toxic Avenger," in the 1984 Troma classic. Directed by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, this is the granpappy of 'em all, spawning multiple sequels, comics, video games and even a children's cartoon.

Direct Download.

Remember to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. And follow Mark and Parker, too, if you want.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Schlocktober 3: The Schlockening

It's almost here, Junkies! Our Third(!) Annual Schlocktober celebration! If you're new to the show or are like me and don't remember things that happened last week, much less last year, then let me refresh you. Every October, we celebrate the greatest holiday on Earth by doing a theme show each week concerning a classic Halloween monster. This all leads up to our climactic Halloween show, where we review a trio of movies that place on Halloween (except Mark's pick, as is tradition.)

To get properly ready, you can relive our younger days and listen to Schlocktober Past. JFD79-JFD82 are last year's party (which is still on iTunes, as of right now) and JFD28-JFD32 were Year One, which you can only download on the website these days.

Anyway, here's the list for 2012, which could be the last Schlocktober ever. (Possibly, some dead Mayans believe.) Did we overlook your favorite Halloween movie? Did we get all your favorite classic monsters? Let us know via email at jfdpodcast @ gmail.com or on Facebook!

JFD129: Vampires

  • Vamp (1986)
  • Jugular Wine (1993)
  • Stake Land (2011)
JFD130: Frankensteins
  • Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965)
  • Gothic (1986)
  • Frankenhooker (1990)
JFD131: Killer Dolls
  • Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984)
  • Dolls (1987)
  • Child's Play 2 (1990)
JFD132: Werewolves
  • The Howling (1981)
  • Silver Bullet (1985)
  • An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)
JFD133: Halloween Week
  • The Day after Halloween (1979)
  • Halloween 2 (1981)
  • Night of the Demons (1988)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

JFD126: Beer/ The Lost Weekend/ I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

We're boozing it up, figuratively and literally, this week to talk about three alcohol-fuelded flicks!

First up is 1985's "Beer," a satire of advertising, machismo and media starring David Alan Grier. Three average joes are hired to to be the spokesmen for Norbecker Beer, catapulting them to fame and fortune.

Next, a writer reaches the depths of alcoholism in 1945's "The Lost Weekend," directed by Billy Wilder. The movie has won multiple Academy Awards and was once described as "the most dangerous movie ever made."

Finally, three college kids hit the town for a crazy bachelor party in 2009's "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell." The film is co-written (and based on the book by) infamous internet star Tucker Max.

Direct Download here.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Let the boy help your Netflix!

Hey. As I mentioned on one of the recent episodes, I've been getting together occasionally with Jesse PS from Pod Awful to gussy up Netflix by recording audio commentaries for the shittiest and/or craziest streaming movies. It's a little something we like to call AwfulFlix. You can check it out at AwfulFlix . You probably know how this sort of thing works, as we've done it a few times on JFD. Just download the episode and queue it up with the movie and bing bang boom, it's like having me and Jesse right there on your couch making fun of a crummy movie.

Anyway, here's a sample of the first flick, "Mac & Me." Upcoming commentaries for "The Stuff" and "Hollow Man" are coming up soon, too!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Nilbog is Goblin spelled backward!

I just came across this music video while avoid tumblr posts about pansexuality and I figured I'd share it with you Junkies on account of it's fucking awesome. If you dudes are like me (and the ugly kid from "Conflict of Interest," then you like metal, especially when it's heavy. And this video is packed with that!

Even if you're some kind of dork and metal scares you, I think there's probably no denying that the video portion of this music video is nothing short of awesome and it should fall squarely up the alley of any fans of the show who are really, really into goblins.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

JFD125: Heartbeeps, Detroit 9000, The Ninth Configuration

We're a family again! Junk Food Dinner returns, stronger than ever before.*

Up first it's the touching story of robots in love. Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters star in the effects laden misstep HEARTBEEPS from 1981.

Next, the year is 1976 and we're hitting the streets of the Motor City and get caught in the middle of a race war with a killer soundtrack and Scatman Crothers! DETROIT 9000!

Finally, we get sidetracked on our way to the moon and end up in a mental asylum alongside Stacy Keach among others. It's William Peter Blatty's THE NINTH CONFIGURATION from 1980!

All this plus witty banter between friends, glitchy Skype noise, soundboard antics, laffs at the expensive of dead celebrities, Junk Mail, DVD & Blu-ray releases, Nerd News and so much more!
Direct Download Here


Got a movie suggestion for the show, want to give your opinion on a movie we talked about or just want to tell us we suck? Drop us a line at JFDPodcast@gmail.com. Or leave us a voicemail: 347-746-JUNK (5865).

Also, if you like the show, please take a minute and subscribe and/or comment on us on iTunes, Stitcher, Blubrry or Podfeed.net. We gain product placement deals with Pepsi from your love and support.

*Results may vary.