Saturday, January 29, 2011

Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid - Premieres Tonight (01/29) on SyFy 9/8c

It's the contemporary genre B-movie post-modern novelty casting event of the season! Don't miss it! I haven't been this excited since 2 cast members from "Famliy Ties" were in "Airline Disaster"! Plus just think, only 15 to 20 more years and we'll get to see Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera duke it out in "Quantum Squid Vs. NepTuna"! The Asylum is the new AIP and the SyFy Channel is the new Drive-In! MPvG repeats tonight (01/29) at 1/12c if you can't catch the first showing; so remember, if you miss it, it's your own damn "MegaFault".

Also, you can catch up on previous entries into the "Mega" series this afternoon beforehand with "Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus" (starring Debbie Gibson) at 5/4c and "Mega Piranha" (starring Tiffany) at 7/6c, which is the other "Piranha" movie from 2010 that also features DDD. But seriously, "Mega Piranha" is suppose to be one of The Asylum's recent best and one that actually delivers some of the "Mega" fun it promises, or at least as much as one can have without rubber-suits and miniatures all the way through.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Fallout: Nuka Break

If you've listened to even a couple JFD episodes, you've probably heard me say one of two things. First, I love it when people showcase their toughness in movies by ripping someone's shirt and secondly, I love the "Fallout" video games.

Luckily, some fine folks got together to make a Fallout fan film. It looks pretty fantastic, but it seems like something's missing. Maybe it's Ron Perlman's lack of narration that's throwing me off or maybe the lack of mutants. Either way, this is a pretty enjoyable 15 or so minutes and unlike "Fallout: New Vegas," it doesn't freeze up halfway through.

Jackass 3.5 trailer: Additional butts and injured testicles

I think we mentioned on Nerd News at some point that because the Jackass guys filmed so much for the third movie and because that third movie made so much money, that there'd be a "Jackass 3.5." And now we got a trailer for such a Jackass. The movie is gonna be released via the internet in April.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Parker vs. Batman

On the new episode (JFD44) I enraged everyone by shitting on Tim Burton's "Batman." Like everyone, I loved this movie as a little kid, but I grew up, read some comics and Christopher Nolan did me the personal favor of making "Batman Begins." All of that resulted in me realizing that Burton's film is a horrible piece of crap that uses Bob Kane's original comic to whipe its ass.

I found this video on youtube that touches on about 11 points that piss me off about the film.

If you're too lazy to watch, that's fine. That reviewer in the video is kind of annoying. But, a few of the points he brings up are ones that I've been trying to tell people for years before yelling the phrase "Please believe me" in their faces.

A huge reason for my dislike of this film is because Batman has absolutely no problem with killing as many bad guys as possible. At one point he even drives into the Joker's base (or something) and drops bombs in it like he's a masked Harry Truman. This may be fine for someone like Cobra or Machete, but anyone who has read a single page of a Batman comic knows that it kinda shits all over Batman's whole "If I kill criminals, I'm no better than them" mentality.

I mentioned on the show that by making the silly decision in "Batman" to have had Joker kill Batman's parents, you kinda eliminate the drive of Bruce Wayne's insane fascist crusade when Joker is eventually stopped (Read: murdered) by Batman. Even "Batman Begins" acknowledges this. There, a pre-Batman Bruce Wayne plans to shoot the guy who killed his family (NOT the Joker), but the mob beats him to it, which sets in motion the events that lead him to become the Caped Crusader. If Wayne would have shot the guy and got his revenge he would have just been arrested and gone to jail for half the time he would have if he sold weed to someone and then gone back to being a rich jaded kid.

Burton's Batman would have no reason to continue crime-fighting knowing his parents' killer was gone (read: MURDERED). Sure, like Mark said on the show, there'd be other crimes. But Batman is out there because he sees the face of his parents' killer on the face of each and every thug he breaks the legs of. Would he have the same drive knowing that he already dealt out the proper punishment to the guilty parties? Furthermore, Burton's movie becomes a story about simple revenge instead of justice and the merits of law vs. chaos.

In addition to these heavy themes, there are also retarded details that just piss me off about Burton's film. The following is taken from something I wrote a few years back about my dislike of Tim Burton:

Why the fuck is Robert Wuhl in this movie? Who knows! What the fuck decade is this movie set in? Who knows! Why the fuck would Burton create a Bruce Wayne that sleeps upside down? Who the fuck knows!

This movie takes a huge shit on everything Batman is. Which is reasonable, because it was written by a man who's best known for his work on "Monkeybone." I mean, the movie builds up to the fact that the criminal genius known as The Joker's whole plan to take over Gotham is based around the idea that he needs to fist fight Batman in a clock tower.

And why would Bruce Wayne tell JOURNALIST Vickie Vale that he's Batman shortly after meeting her? What a shitty Bruce Wayne.

I'm sure there are many more reasons to hate Burton's "Batman." Like the fact that the comics are built around Batman and Commissioner Gordon's need to forge a symbiotic relationship for the betterment of Gotham, yet he's barely in the film or the fact that Vicki Vale is just simply gone by the start of "Batman Returns," making Bruce Wayne into James Bond.

ANYWAY- I understand that nostalgia is a big reason people like this flick, and that's fine. And it's fine if you like the performances and Burton's atmosphere. And that's cool if you like the BatDance. But let's be straight, it wasn't that good when it came out, but we were 8, so it seemed awesome. It does not stand up now and it's not a good BATMAN story at all.

And don't even get me started on those sequels.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Junk Food Dinner Podcast: Episode #44

The kids are back with three of the junkiest movies we could find!

This week, we pay tribute to recently deceased J.P. Simón by diggin' on his gory chainsaw massacre Pieces from 1982.

Then Sylvester Stallone takes the law into his own hands when confronting a gang of axe murderers in the ultra violent 1986 action flick Cobra.

Finally, some of us laugh at the hijinx of military school brats in 1980's Up the Academy a production of Mad Magazine directed by Robert Downey, Sr. and starring Ralph Macchio.

We've also got Nerd News, this week's DVDs and we're joined by special guest-host Kevin Merryman!

Download the MP3

Got a movie suggestion for the show, want to give your opinion on a movie we talked about or just want to tell us we suck? Drop us a line at or leave us a message at 347-746-JUNK (5865).

Also, if you like the show, please take a minute and subscribe and/or comment on us on iTunes, Blubrry or

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The perfect gift... for a baby ...who loves super-violent 80's action films....?

On this week's show we'll be talking about the awesomely over-the-top 1986 action flick Cobra starring Sylvester Stallone.

After watching the movie I was browsing eBay, curious to see what kind of Cobra-related merch was out there, and came across this adorable Cobra onesie (ugh, what a terrible "word") from a company called Super Sweet Shirt Co. I know a lot of infants who are big Sly Stallone fans, so I'm going to order a couple of these.

But seriously; who the fuck is going to buy this? If you're a nerd for violent 80's schlock and want the whole world to know it, start a website or a podcast like we did, don't advertise it on your defenseless baby. Do you really want your child's first memories to be looking down at his chest and seeing a pissed off Stallone pointing a gun at him?

Super Sweet also offers onesies featuring other todler-friendly classics like Rambo, Die Hard, Terminator 2 and Evil Dead. If your baby isn't showing up to daycare in one of these, how are the other parents going to know how cool your DVD collection is?

Tire Slasher directed by Mr. Oizo!!

This was mentioned on a "Nerd News" segment of a previous podcast, but check out this bizarre and intense first trailer (which looks better bigger and sharper here) for French electronic musician and filmmaker Quentin Dupieux's (aka Mr. Oizo) tire slasher film: RUBBER (2010). Dupieux also scores the film, as Mr. Oizo, along with Gaspard Auge (one half of the French electronic duo "Justice"). Time will tell, but I for one am supremely curious about this project. Mr. Oizo's videos and albums "Analog Worms Attack" and later follow-up "Moustache (Half A Scissor)" used to be fun, novel favorites back in my late 90's/early 00's IDM scene days.

Dupieux is best known in the mainstream consciousness for his wildy amusing and hypnotically novel self-directed music video and series of Levi Jean's commercials featuring his 1999 Mr. Oizo track "Flat Beat" and starring an addictively entertaining, head-nodding yellow puppet named; "Flat Eric" (see below).

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


We've talked at length about 1986's "Spookies" on a number of occations. Check out Episode #10 if you haven't already, and go here for a full length riff session with the cast and crew that I was lucky enough to be a part of.

Well, now's your chance to own a piece of Junk Food history as well as an awesome movie and cool poster. Pete Iasillo, Jr. (who played Rich in the film) has put both of these things up on eBay here. This is a pretty brief auction so get in there and bid, Junk Food Junkies.

Also, Parker's birthday is next December and I'm sure he'd like it if you won this and then gave it to him next year. Do the right thing, you guys.

Junk Food Dinner Podcast: Episode #43

Fans of crazy adult animation rejoice, because Junk Food Dinner Episode #43 is finally here! This week we explore the seedy, gritty, surreal animated world of artist/director Ralph Bakshi.

First, we take a look at his 1973 semi-autobiographical tale of a young virgin cartoonist who draws inspiration from his inner-city surroundings and the wacky characters who inhabit it in 1973's groundbreaking Heavy Traffic. Then Bakshi focuses his lens on race relations and the black experience in America when we take a look at the controversial satire Coonskin from 1975. And finally two young men come of age against a backdrop of gang violence in 1950's Brooklyn in Hey Good Lookin' from 1982.

Also, we have Nerds News, this week's DVD and Blu-Ray releases and much more!


MP3 Direct Download

Got a movie suggestion for the show, want to give your opinion on a movie we talked about or just want to tell us we suck? Drop us a line at or leave us a message at 347-746-JUNK (5865).

Also, if you like the show, please take a minute and subscribe and/or comment on us on iTunes, Blubrry or

Monday, January 17, 2011

Natalie Portman's healthy guffaw

Last night's Golden Globes ceremony mostly consisted of horrifically unfunny, lazy and un-timely jokes like "The finale of 'Lost' was Hurley eating the cast!" and "Robert Downey Jr. used to do drugs!" But, if you were lucky enough to catch Natalie Portman's "Black Swan" acceptance speech, you were privy to one of the worst laughs ever recorded by technology.

Natalie Portman's laugh sounds a lot like that hot girl with a bad laugh from "The Family Guy." (Excuse this video's bad quality and weird clown puppet at the beginning.)

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Hurley vs. Smoke Monster

I was on Netflix looking for "Evangelion" and Netflix directed me to DVDs starring Evangeline Lilly. One such DVD was "Freddy vs. Jason," which I assumed was some sort of silly mix up. After a search on something they call "google," it turns out the "Lost" star WAS in the ultimate monster mash. She was in the background of a single scene and had no dialogue, but she DID look pretty upset when that weird crazy kid scared everyone by describing Freddy.

With this new information, I think we should re-do "Freddy vs. Jason" (we did it on JFD19), as Mark will probably like FvJ more now. Mark loves "Lost," you see.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Dayton icon Dr. Creep dies at 68

My hometown of Dayton, Ohio lost a television icon slash legend this week. While it may be true that every town has a horror host (or two), Dr. Creep (aka Barry Hobart) seemed to evoke the proverbial "much love" from Dayton in a way that seems unique. It's not just weirdo horror fans or nostalgic insomniacs that were fans of Dr. Creep. I don't think I've met a Daytonian that wasn't fond of, or at least aware of the city's fondness for, Dr. Creep.

Dr. Creep's "Shock Theater" ran in Dayton on WKEF in various forms from 1972 to 1985, a length of time that seems almost inconceivable by today's disposal-culture standards. Not to mention the fact that it seems like some kind of Twilight Zone bizarro world that local channels would feature local programming. The show resurrected itself as "The New Shock Theater" on Public Access in 1999 and ran for a few more years.

I was first introduced to Dr. Creep when a few friends and I went to the first annual Horrorama in 1997. The crowd consisted basically of us, about 25 people who left after the horror marathon's first film "Scream" and a (very) small handful of die-hard horror fans. Me and friends were all pretty infatuated with Creep while talking to him after the show.

Later, when telling my mom and dad that we'd seen this dude, Dr. Creep, I was absolutely flabbergasted when they not only knew who he was, but seemed to have the same infatuation I did. I think this was the first time that I not only agreed with my parents about something, but it was the first time that we were aware of what the other was talking about in terms of pop culture. (This would pretty much not ever happen again, though.) On a later trip to a comic book shop in Yellow Springs with my grandma, I asked if she'd get buy me a Dr. Creep shirt, to which she replied something along the lines of "Of course. His show was just charming." To this day, my grandma clips out and sends me the stories whenever Dr. Creep is in the newspaper.

Dr. Creep appeared at Halloween and horror events, despite his deteriorating health, up until his death Friday. Dayton will forever be a little less interesting, a little less cool and a lot less weird without Dr. Creep around.

This Wednesday at 8 p.m. est, Kaleidoscope Radio will be having a special show paying tribute to Dr. Creep, so tune in. You can also find more on Dr. Creep (and a zillion other horror hosts (including Dayton's A. Ghastlee Ghoul)) by watching "American Scary," a documentary on the subject. I'm pretty sure it's on instant watch, so queue it up and take in a fun piece of American television history.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

R.I.P. Juan Piquer Simón (1935–2011)

During the 70's, 80's, and 90's, independent Spanish exploitation filmmaker Juan Piquer Simon quietly and lovingly cooked up an ambitious and outrageous collection of goofy and gonzo genre cinema curiosities, full of cracked charm and fantastical old-school practical effects (rubber-suit monsters, matte paintings, opticals, etc.). Ever since I converged on Simon's wild filmography for the first time, by unintentionally discovering separate films independently of each other and then tying them all back to the same man, I have always been impressed and intrigued by his eclectic string of independently made oddball fantasy cinema delights, like; Where Time Began (aka Fabulous Journey To The Center Of The Earth) (1976), the MST3K made-famous The Pod People (1983), Supersonic Man (1979), Slugs: The Movie (1988) (served up on JFD EP#8), Mystery On Monster Island (1981), The Rift (aka Endless Descent) (1990), Sea Devils (1982), Pieces (1982), Cthulhu Mansion (1990) and Manoa, the City of Gold (1999), among others.

According to IMDB; "Simon grew up loving American cinema as a child in Franco's Spain, and even worked with some famous American filmmakers when they shot in Spain in the 1960's, before becoming a director himself. He owned his own studio and created and/or designed many of the impressive special effects sequences in his films. Recent global competition from American product in Spain forced Piquer to severely reduce his output (he couldn't get the wide theatrical releases he once enjoyed), but he's proven resilient if nothing else over the years. And while his films have been universally panned by the "establishment" critics, they have a kind of loopy, Ed Wood quality that must be endured to be fully appreciated. Of Piquer it can be said, "He makes them because he loves making them, whatever the outcome."" Simon died of lung cancer last week, on January 7th, at the age of 75. He will be missed.

The Lost Michaels

Way back on JFD28, we talked about "The Lost Boys" and how insanely often the characters said the name of "Michael." Well, as the internet always inevitably does, video proof has emerged. Check it out:

Every Line of Dialogue in The Lost Boys is "Michael" from Dan Nixon on Vimeo.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The people have spoken!

* Note: Junk Food Dinner does not condone the pirating of movies.**

** Except maybe "A Serbian Film" because you shouldn't have to pay money to feel all gross inside.***

***Unless you go to a hooker.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Junk Food Dinner Podcast: Episode #42

Just in time for your snow day, JFD42 is hot chocolate for your ears! Hot, waxy, ear chocolate.

Speaking of wax, we kick things off with 1988's "Waxwork" (featuring a whole slew of folks from Junk Food Movies past). Rolling right along, we've got J. M. McCarthy's 1997 psychobilly, sci-fi, romp "The Sore Losers." Last, but far from least, we revisit a childhood favorite in the culty gumbo that is "Night of the Creeps" from 1986.

We've also got Nerd News, DVD releases, and Parker's deep-rooted bathroom issues!

Direct download here.

Got a movie suggestion for the show, want to give your opinion on a movie we talked about or just want to tell us we suck? Drop us a line at or leave us a message at 347-746-JUNK (5865).

Also, if you like the show, please take a minute and subscribe and/or comment on us on iTunes, Blubrry or

Thanks for listening! We love you!

Also, we noticed you noticing us noticing you noticing the new banner. Pretty banging, right? Right. All thanks and praise should be directed towards the lovely, and talented- Sophie Johnson. Here's her website. You should check it out.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

'Never Too Young to Die': The Home Game

So, if you've listened to Episode #41 of the podcast, you know that I am absolutely in love with the so-bad-it's-amazing action flick Never Too Young to Die. So much so that it makes me angry that this gem of a film didn't spawn a series of sequels, an animated series, an arcade game, a breakfast cereal and a line of action figures.

So, in an effort to make that sweet dream a reality, I present Never Too Young to Die: The Home Game. All you'll need is some old action figures/dolls and a little imagination.

First, you'll need the good guys. As we know, 80's super-hunk John Stamos played our hero Lance Stargrove. Luckily, he was immortalized in doll form as "Rockin' Jesse" from Full House. Then, grab your George Lazenby James Bond action figure (we all have one of those, right?) to play the role of the senior Stargrove. Unfortunately, they never made a Vanity doll (a travesty!), so for the part of Danja Deering, we'll just use the modern equivalent of Vanity, Beyonce.

Okay, now that we have our good guys, we need our villains. First and foremost, we need our cross-dressing, evil genius Velvet Von Ragnar. Fortunately, Gene Simmons has had many dolls made of him (the ego maniac). I suggest adding some fake boobs to the doll, just to make the look complete. Then, for Ragnar's henchman Riley, played by Robert Englund, a classic talking Freddy Krueger doll will do the trick. Just glue a computer disk to his hand or something. Then finally, you'll need a gang of punk rock minions to follow Ragnar's every (ridiculous) command. Simply stock up on several mohawked punk action figures, and you're all set.

Now, (and this is the most important part) take a bunch of LSD and you MIGHT just be able to recreate the magic of Never Too Young to Die in your own home. Enjoy!

Also, on Episode #41 we discussed how Gene Simmons wears the exact same showgirl outfit in Never Too Young to Die that was worn by former Wonder Woman Lynda Carter when she performed with KISS on a television special back in 1980. Here's the proof:


Friday, January 7, 2011

More 'Paul' trailers surface, Seth Rogen still miscast

Here's another trailer for the new buddy flick w/ aliens "Paul." It looks kinda funny, I guess. I enjoy when aliens are indifferent, or slightly worried at most, about peoples' firey death. I also enjoy aliens dressed up like cowboys (except when it happens on "American Dad").

But, I will not see this film. I cannot goddamn stand Seth Rogen. And I can't stand his goddamn disembodied voice more than that. I don't wanna go into a whole big thing, but come the fuck on, Hollywood, let's start using voice actors again! I'm sick to death of every CGI character being voiced by either Seth Rogen or Eddie Murphy or someone doing their impression of Eddie Murphy!!

When you go to a movie and say to yourself "Oh. Cool, Seth Rogen is the voice of this alien (or this gelatinous blob monster,") then you're no longer IN the movie, you're thinking about the process of movie-making. And you might be thinking about the time that Rogen's shitty acting ruined "Observe and Report."

Context is Important.

Skip to 1:33:45 of Episode #41.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Perhaps voting works again?

Hey. Remember how we used to beg you to vote for us and leave comments about us on We stopped because the site stopped registering votes. Well, it looks like they might be back up and running. So, if you could take one second and go vote, we'd totally love it. The more you guys vote, the higher in the rankings we get. Then it's mighty easy for folks to stumble upon us. "What is this Junk Food Dinner that is the #1 Movie podcast on here?" they might ask themselves. Then they'll listen to an episode and realize that their life was incomplete without us. So here's how to help:

1. Go Here.
2. Enter your email address and click “Vote now”
3. Then check that email – they will send you a link that must be clicked in order to confirm the vote.

You can also leave us 5-star reviews on iTunes next time you're on there, if you'd be so kind.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Junk Food Dinner: Episode #41

Junk Food Dinner is back and is kicking off 2011 with cave monsters, time travel and she-males!

Up first, we join John Stamos as he aims to take down the evil team of the hermaphroditic Gene Simmons and his nerdy sidekick Robert Englund in the absolutely ridiculous "Never too Young to Die" from 1986.

Then we're transported to the distant (and sandy) future with a bunch of Japanese children in 1987's "The Drifting Classroom," based on the manga of the same name.

Finally, director Neil Marshall sticks us in a deep, dark cave that may or may not be full of frightening wall-crawling monsters in 2005's "The Descent."

We've got all this, Nerd News, this week's DVD releases and we discover that Mark's roommates go ape for secret monkeys!

Direct Download

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Is Jason Statham a manly man?!


This Statham trailer is pretty macho. I guess this is remake or something of some other movie. I dunno, but lots of dudes get beat up and shot in this trailer, so I'll probably see it.

I like Statham and I like Ben Foster, who's also in this movie, so I have no reservations about seeing this (when it gets to DVD). I'll probably get around to doing Jason Statham's "Crank" movies on the show at some point and Foster's underrated sci-fi film "Pandorum."

Until then, here's the (NSFW) Redband trailer for "The Mechanic."